Helllo : ) Howve you you all been doing ? i need to update soon , but this is just something i wrote a whle back regarding my peelings. i realised i wrote alot better when i was feeling my worst, so this is it ( do not read if you dont want to read something sad :) ) :

No amount of words on a page, or any award-winning author could ever entirely describe what heartbreak feels like. It’s not until when it actually happens, that you understand what you can and cannot live without. Then all the small and maybe even insignificant things start tearing apart your heart. like the feeling that no one is waiting for you to call when you get home, or the thought of just what he could be doing at the moment becomes nerve-wracking. “Well, maybe it’s my fault, maybe if I could of”- wishful thinking needs to stop. Twisting your stand on what happened won’t change what has already passed. Words have been said, damages been done, and someone might have died a little on the inside. People will, and have made mistakes, it’s totally inevitable. Cause no matter how much you’ve done right, or try to have fixed things, in the end everyone’s feelings are just their own. We were made to go out and get hurt, it’s just the way the world is. We cannot cling on to what doesn’t apply anymore, cause no matter how deeply-felt something was, words become just “what he said”. In times like these we tend to forget everything that was horrible, and focus on what we miss, or could have had. I guess to an extent, it’s tolerable, but then it comes to the hard cold fact, do I really need him?

You start feeling stronger; more assured that “you can take it “.And for the first time logging on to face book, for purposes other than snooping around, you see hearts everywhere. Jealousy grabs a hold of you and screams “ISNT THAT WHAT YOU HAD?”. “Y-y-yes... “,you mutter, as images of what you could have been, trails across the screen, leaving you with a pain growing inside your chest that’s almost unbearable. Covering your head with your arms you try to keep whatevers left of you inside, but thoughts and memories keep slipping through your ribs, racing up your spine and finally slamming back at you, just as hard as they left. With blurred vision, you close all the reminders and put on a face for the world to see. “Yeah, I’m fine “. You lied, Ms.Obvious, but I guess misery radiated from you anyway and set the mood of the room in 10 minutes flat. Through the silence that filled the room you search through the boxes in your mind. Where did I put the thoughts before I met you? Being completely alone, and breathing on your own felt unfamiliar after two years of what you thought was with the boy who was different.

“Look, I’m not trying to hurt you”. Of course you’re not, you don’t have to try, and it’s always there.

K.O amanda wins .

i survived exams :)  im pretty happy with all my marks , though my math dropped a bit. if anyones intrested :
art - i went in with a 90. 88 on my written ( TOTAL FAILED,  haha i honestly lost all my marks on one question cause it read it wrong . and i didnt study it . it was about proportions , not something i strongly believe in anyway) 95 on my studio , so my finlal was a 90 , which im content with . my teacher was a arnglkarga : |

careers and civics - eassssssssy course. civics 90 and careers 93

math - bombed the exam. totally froze on some of the questions and just plain didnt know how to do some . i went in with a 92 , dropped to a 91 cause i got like 88 on the exam or something .foorget :(

science - you should of seen how hard i was studying . i spent like , 12 hours probably in total at sanny's just for science alone. well my work paid off, i went into with a.. 92 ? exam 98 , came out with a 95 .

i feel like such a nerd.
nono , im studious

My semester two classes might just kill me , i was hating the people in my class but i guess i met up wth new people, and reconnected with some old. so i guess its not too bad now .

in art, i basically have the same students. i have my grade 9 sem 1 teacher again . mr.ball hahaha. though im probably going to fail this class, hes my favorite :)i have alot of the same people in my class, so its all alright. i feel very tense around him . LOL

history , oh wow . i was never good at history. like, it takes me a while to get it . I met some new people. and yeah, nothing special . IMPERIALISM!

lunch is so boring . i liked my semester 1 lunch better : |

english is a total joke . i havent really learnt anything so far. we've just read short stories, talk about drugs and television shows LOL . my teachers so chill . we watched two episodes of friends today, and just discussed the " jourey " LMAO . so like . intro, rising action , climax, falling action, resolution . LMAO , totall irrelvant , almost , in friends haha. but its good. i think we're watching grey's anatomy tomorrow. :)

chemistry . aaaaaaah. i dont know . its grade 11, so i think we're automatically looked down upon since sanny, me and two other people are the only pepole in grade 10 . but its okay. they all seem like reltivly nice people once they put our age difference aside. like i mean were only a year younger, i dont think its such a big deal . we havent really learnt anything yet so : | SHE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HER LIFE ITS GETTING TOO DISTRACTING .

how have you guys been ? its been a while hasnt it .

song of the post :

Tegan and sara - i know i know i know

"i know i know i know you're still my love"

oh perfect, another single valentines day . LOL

exams are depressing .

so basically my art written exam is tomorrow, and i can barly tell the difference between the painters eleven and the group of seven. ontop of that i need to know the characteristics of proportion and figure between the rennissance , and medival and also the correct tecniques applied in water and acrylic painting.

have i studied ? yes.

where? infront of the tv.

i think i learnt more from Lost and Jon and Kate plus 8 then i did going over the notes she gave us

Not only that, but i have 4 days to finish my studio exam andddd .. yeah lets just say im probably not going to finish . The rest of my class doesnt seem too finished either so i think we're all equally screwed :)

Other than that the last careers thing i have to do is just this unit test, but then im pretty much done the course cause the exams were just two summatives put together.

All i have is Math and Science, but they shouldnt be too hard i hope  :(

llllllllets get this week over with ya?

Song of the post :

"control yourself , take only what you need from me " kids - MGMT .